I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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