She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
