I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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