Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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