So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
