I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
