You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize