So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
