that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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