It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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