Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
