I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize