I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
