question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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