Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
