I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
