we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
