you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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