im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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