i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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