Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
