I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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