I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
