I could have mohawked her pubes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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