Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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