im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
