O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
