there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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