I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
