If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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