doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Drunk is a universal language darling
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