Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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