No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
