He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
