I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
