I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
