perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
