Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
