Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i will never coherently bang her
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
