Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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