im drinking this country out of the recession.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
