so that wasnt chicken after all
I think my vagina is haunted
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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