Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My penis needs a shock collar
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
