i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
