I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
