The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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