Dignity is for republicans.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
