I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
