I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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