I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
