Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
