And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
