Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
