we're blogging at a bar
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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