I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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