He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
