dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
