I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
