i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
