I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
