The maid of honor just puked.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
