sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
