I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
